No one likes this weather. No one. Not you, even if you say you do. When you go out for lunch and the host asks "inside or outside," and you said "outside," you're lying to yourself. Humanity has spent an epoch trying to figure out the best way to shelter from punishing heat. And now we pretend like that work was for nothing? That sitting under hot sun and swatting at flies every ten seconds is now a luxury? That having that drop of sweat trace its way down your back again and again and again as you see your side of potato salad slowly turn brown is somehow fun?
It's nonsense. Don't contribute to the nonsense. You're just as chafed and sweaty as we are. So come inside, into the air conditioning. Let Terrible People entertain you in a building that has a cool breeze and cold beer. Don't pretend like a patio is a good decision. You've pretended to be a summer person for quite long enough.
Saturday, July 20th. 11:30 p.m.